In the second matchup of the Elate Eight, Phocas the Gardener faces Richard Hooker. Our ever-creative Celebrity Bloggers daily earn their keep (well, their Lent Madness mug) in the Round of Saintly Kitsch as they scour the internet for your voting pleasure. To make it to this round, Phocas bested Isidore the Farmer and Katharina von Bora while Richard made it past Mary of Egypt and Margaret of Scotland.
Yesterday, Esther narrowly defeated Peter, in an epic start to the Elate Eight, to become the first saint to advance to the Faithful Four.
Can you feel the excitement? We are getting ever closer to awarding the 2018 Golden Halo. Every vote counts!
Phocas the Gardener
It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a worthy saint in possession of a high number of Lent Madness votes, must be in want of some kitsch. With each successive year, as new saints are added to the pantheon of those hallowed souls that have reached the Elate Eight, and, yes, as the saints get slightly more obscure, or come from slightly deeper cuts into church history, one might expect that even the hallowed corners of the internet might come up completely empty of saleable merchandise for a Saint such as our dear Phocas the Gardener.
Friend, have you not learned to trust Etsy? Have you not learned that somewhere, someone is working on some kind of mixed-media collage in homage to our beloved and hospitable Phocas? Indeed, for the low price of $17, you, too can have a new, modern reinterpretation of the iconography for Saint Phocas. God watches over the saints, and indeed, Etsy watches over Lent Madness bloggers in the kitsch round.
Phocas’ activities caught the attention of the Roman Empire in part because he had the distinct fortune (or misfortune) of living right next to the bustling Black Sea port of Sinope. Located in modern-day Turkey, and now called simply Sinop, his location enabled him to provide hospitality from his garden to the broad cross-section of people who would have made their way through an ancient port city. Since his location allowed him the ability to carry out his ministry to the masses, there is little doubt that Phocas would have gladly sported this “Straight out of Sinop” t-shirt. It would not have only been an expression of hometown pride, but also concise direction – Phocas’s home and garden were, literally, straight outside of Sinope’s gates.
This is the kitsch round of Lent Madness, and Phocas’ garden was at the center of his ministry. We can’t not have a garden gnome. Strike that. We can’t not have garden gnomes (plural). In fact, with a garden that provided hospitality to so many, we need a veritable squad of garden gnomes. Etsy, as always, delivers.
And no garden would be complete without tools. Cultivating is hard work, and a little mechanical assistance can always help. Luckily, high end kitsch merchants have 
us covered. You, too, can have a mini-excavator for your garden. Powered by a staggering 12 volt battery, and with a gnarly max speed of 2.5 mph, you can introduce your child to the wonders of working the garden, tilling the soil, and providing hospitality and food for the hungry masses, just like Phocas. Bargain basement price is $349.95; hard hat, unfortunately, is not included.
Richard Hooker
Whatever you do, do not Google the word “Hooker.” Seriously. Just don’t.
If you are doing your Googles, you must type “Richard Hooker” in order to find interesting, non-fireable, material on one of the chief architects of Anglican theology and identity.
Take this statue of Richard Hooker outside of Exeter Cathedral in the United Kingdom. Sculpted (carved?) in the early 1900s and unveiled in 1907, this statue depicts the “Judicious Hooker” (no jokes, please) seated with an opened book. It is almost as if there should be a plaque in front of this statue that reads: “Richard Hooker will read you
now.” Remember, Hooker is the same man who levied critiques of Puritans and Roman Catholics, all while positioning Anglicanism is the best of the catholic and reformed Christian tradition and advocating for coalition-building Christianity. Do you know how much awesomeness one must possess to fight a battle on two fronts?
To be honest, Richard Hooker perched on this chair with this open book and unbothered countenance is #theologiangoals. When I die, I would like a Hooker-esque statue carved in my likeness. Thank you in advance.
Hooker’s words are so relevant to our contemporary context that W. Bradford Littlejohn, Brian D. Marr, and Bradley G. Belschner have all adapted his Laws of Ecclesiastical Polity to modern English in Radicalism: When Reform Becomes Revolution. Brad Littlejohn actually has a great YouTube video where he reads an excerpt from the work that levies a great critique against extremism performed in God’s name. He writes, “Here lies the greatest danger of all. For when divine authority is used to justify things which are not the commandment of God, but your own mistaken suppositions, you’ll attribute to God whatever you are later led to do in defense of your cause. What this will lead to, God only knows.”
Those of you who belong to the older generation, might remember a television program called M*A*S*H, a comedy-drama that ran form 1972-1983. This television series was based on a book called MASH: A Novel About Three Army Doctors written by Richard Hooker. Richard Hooker is pretty amazing, but even he had to “go the way of all the earth.” (He died, y’all). The Richard Hooker who wrote MASH in 1968 is actually a penname for Dr. H. R. Hornberger, a former military surgeon and writer, who was born in Trenton, New Jersey. Somehow, the original Richard Hooker influenced the latter and he, the latter that is, wrote a book that influenced the creation of a wildly popular television program that basically defined the 70s. (That, and “Good Times” and “Wonder Years). So, basically, Richard Hooker defined the 70s. America, you’re welcome.
[poll id="230"]
164 comments on “Phocas the Gardner vs. Richard Hooker”
Well. I'm not much of a gardener, though the squad of garden gnomes made me smile, and I am a lover of books and theology so it's Richard Hooker for me today.
It is, of course, getting harder and harder to choose between saints. I loved the Jane Austen reference and the kitsch for Phocas. I loved the reference to M*A*S*H-- I watched the movie with my husband at a movie theater on an Air Force base back in the early 1970's (think about THAT for a moment!) and the TV shows with him and our sons.
In the end, I just had to go with the one who gave the Anglican Church the idea--and ideal--of breadth, balance, and being comfortable with paradox. (But if the gardener wins, I won't fuss.)
I love your comment, Verdery.
These have to be two of the best posts in, well, ever. To get Jane Austen and M*A*S*H on the same day is a pure blessing. Thank you to these stalwart bloggers!
I was prepared to cast my vote for Phocas, as an avid gardener myself. It's snowing(again) and yet my bleeding heart bush is blooming, very inspiring. But then I read more about Richard Hooker. Soon enough, my feet will be planted in the dirt and my hands in the mud. Today, I'm going to concentrate on channeling Richard Hooker.
This has been a year difficult decisions. Phocas is such a gentle soul, but I had to go with Richard Hooker. As an owner of a copy of "Of the Laws of Ecclesiastical Polity", I can tell you that like Moby Dick, it can be a struggle to get through at times, but is well worth the effort! Go Richard!
I SO liked the Hooker quote about religious extremism I had to vote for him (plus MASH was one of my all-time favorite shows!)
What fabulous write ups today. A very difficult choice, but in the end I went for Richard portrayed reading, but not alas, seated on a three-legged stool. ... I was also swayed by his very impressive beard 🙂
Congratulations to the Elate 8 Celebrity Bloggers who've done excellent work on presenting amusing and new facets of their saints.
The ministry of hospitality is so crucial to our Church and to the world today. Had to vote for Phocas.
I had to go with "coalition-building Christianity".
Hooker!
Don't forget the movie M*A*S*H which preceeded the TV show
OK, Maryw47, you saved me from having to make this comment. I had no idea M*A*S*H was ever a book, but the movie did come before the TV show.
My annual list of nominees to the SEC has included Richard Hooker for several years, and since he's in a tight race now, I feel compelled to advocate for him here. I think it was lovely the way M.Halley developed the narrative today - giving us a smile with the inevitable "hooker" references, including the famous statue pic and adding the surprising M.A.S.H. connection. But the inclusion of contemporary theologians using Hooker's words to denounce extremist acts performed in God's name will hopefully secure enough votes for today's match-up to go his way. Simply put, Hooker's worthy.
Thanks so much for this, Tammie - so eloquent! "Like!"
I've got to admit, Richard's three-legged stool and leadership in the early Anglican church should have made him a sure thing for my vote as a proud Episcopalian. But ever since I learned about Phocas I've been a fan of his profound faith. I'd like to see one of the "little" guys win the golden halo. I cast my vote for the gardener!
Phocas > Richard Hooker
As a High Kitsch Episcopalian, I had to vote for Richard Hooker. May all who participate in Lent Madness keep their eyes Phocased on the prize. In the spirit of conciliation among all branches of Christendom, let us press forward!
"Phocased" excellent!!!
Hooker had me with "God only knows..."
I voted for Phocus, who made a lasting impression on me in the first round. Also, (grrr....) I'm a bit irritated that the M*A*S*H connection was introduced as kitschy evidence even though the actual connection or substantive link to our Saint Hooker was not established. I'm really P.O'd by the recent manipulation and foul play by Facebook and others who deal fast and loose with data so this just stepped on my last nerve.... (But! I will dig deeper into this fascinating link between the author of the original book and his message and what, if any link to Richard Hooker may be found.)
Again, Phocus and he's inspired me to turn my front yard garden bed into a gift to my neighborhood in Juneau, Alaska. All I need is a little Phocus swag to decorate!
One of the most visible ministries of my parish is our community garden, which primarily serves refugee families. Through it, we were able to send a refugee child to camp. My vote honors Bonnie the Gardener, still very much alive and not at all persecuted.
LET'S FOCUS ON PHOCAS!
Just a note on the use of an African-American meme in this post: https://www.teenvogue.com/story/digital-blackface-reaction-gifs
Thanks, Kake Huck. Some of the article was baffling (technically and pop culturally), and now I have the disappointing feeling that I have inadvertently done something racist again. But I'm going to go back and read it and let it percolate some more. Thanks. 🙂
And of course this is analyzed by Teen Vogue, always on the cutting edge when it comes to social and political analysis. I'm so glad you showed us this article. The memes of black faces for reactions are ubiquitous (except for "Sure, Jan," which surely has to be the most common). I would also mention Sianne Ngai's book "Ugly Feelings," which analyzes such "emotions" as "stuplimity" from an African-American perspective.
Thank you Reverend and Valiant Master of Saint Paul's Church on Lake of the Isles, for making me laugh. I didn't think there was any way kitsch and Richard Hooker could dance--especially after the Sinop T-shirt, gnomes and wonder toy. I decided when I first saw the brackets that Richard Hooker would win the Golden Halo, even though I'd never heard of 18 of the saints. We need Hooker's words to denounce extremist acts performed in God’s name...to battle the outspoken right wing Christians of today. I also can't wait for the perfect moment to quote you--"Richard Hooker is the only person who looks good in a Canterbury Cap". [Pray for Lorelei, the two year old, with the rare Mitochondria Disease. She's projectile vomiting and slept 19 hours yesterday. She also recently had an accident with her trial motorized wheel chair that is steered with a joy stick, and ripped off the fingernail on her little finger. Follow her on FB at Friday's with Lorelei.]
Speak, sister.
That stool was one of the things that made me realize that I should be Episcopalian!
Are you serious? Esther beats Peter!! Oh, that was yesterday. I voted for Richard Hooker, just because.
I voted for Richard Hooker because he said “y’all”...oh, wait, that was Marcus.
My heart said Phocas, but when I read the most timely and apt quotation from Hooker, I knew it had to be he.
What Episcopalian could not vote for Richard Hooker?
And his words are more relevant today than ever.
This Episcopalian and a good many others, thank you very much.
As much as I love the story of Phocas the Gardener, I am a true Episcopalian and have to vote for Hooker. Also, in the long run, Hooker has had the bigger impact on more lives. But it is a hard choice because I truly do love Phocas.
I have long wondered if I was the only one to make the Richard Hooker Lawes--Richard Hooker M*A*S*H* connection.
Sorry. I am a true Episcopalian too, but it was the M.A.S.H. reference that really swayed me to Hooker.
So relevant for our time is Hooker's admonitions. "What this will lead to, God only knows." And we in the USA now know.
I voted for Richard despite the fact I am an avid gardener and try my best to practice hospitality. I think Hooker’s three legged stool and his warning about ascribing to God reasons for what we humans decide to do, are ideas that are very much needed these days.