In the second matchup of the Elate Eight, Phocas the Gardener faces Richard Hooker. Our ever-creative Celebrity Bloggers daily earn their keep (well, their Lent Madness mug) in the Round of Saintly Kitsch as they scour the internet for your voting pleasure. To make it to this round, Phocas bested Isidore the Farmer and Katharina von Bora while Richard made it past Mary of Egypt and Margaret of Scotland.
Yesterday, Esther narrowly defeated Peter, in an epic start to the Elate Eight, to become the first saint to advance to the Faithful Four.
Can you feel the excitement? We are getting ever closer to awarding the 2018 Golden Halo. Every vote counts!
Phocas the Gardener
It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a worthy saint in possession of a high number of Lent Madness votes, must be in want of some kitsch. With each successive year, as new saints are added to the pantheon of those hallowed souls that have reached the Elate Eight, and, yes, as the saints get slightly more obscure, or come from slightly deeper cuts into church history, one might expect that even the hallowed corners of the internet might come up completely empty of saleable merchandise for a Saint such as our dear Phocas the Gardener.
Friend, have you not learned to trust Etsy? Have you not learned that somewhere, someone is working on some kind of mixed-media collage in homage to our beloved and hospitable Phocas? Indeed, for the low price of $17, you, too can have a new, modern reinterpretation of the iconography for Saint Phocas. God watches over the saints, and indeed, Etsy watches over Lent Madness bloggers in the kitsch round.
Phocas’ activities caught the attention of the Roman Empire in part because he had the distinct fortune (or misfortune) of living right next to the bustling Black Sea port of Sinope. Located in modern-day Turkey, and now called simply Sinop, his location enabled him to provide hospitality from his garden to the broad cross-section of people who would have made their way through an ancient port city. Since his location allowed him the ability to carry out his ministry to the masses, there is little doubt that Phocas would have gladly sported this “Straight out of Sinop” t-shirt. It would not have only been an expression of hometown pride, but also concise direction – Phocas’s home and garden were, literally, straight outside of Sinope’s gates.
This is the kitsch round of Lent Madness, and Phocas’ garden was at the center of his ministry. We can’t not have a garden gnome. Strike that. We can’t not have garden gnomes (plural). In fact, with a garden that provided hospitality to so many, we need a veritable squad of garden gnomes. Etsy, as always, delivers.
And no garden would be complete without tools. Cultivating is hard work, and a little mechanical assistance can always help. Luckily, high end kitsch merchants have 
us covered. You, too, can have a mini-excavator for your garden. Powered by a staggering 12 volt battery, and with a gnarly max speed of 2.5 mph, you can introduce your child to the wonders of working the garden, tilling the soil, and providing hospitality and food for the hungry masses, just like Phocas. Bargain basement price is $349.95; hard hat, unfortunately, is not included.
Richard Hooker
Whatever you do, do not Google the word “Hooker.” Seriously. Just don’t.
If you are doing your Googles, you must type “Richard Hooker” in order to find interesting, non-fireable, material on one of the chief architects of Anglican theology and identity.
Take this statue of Richard Hooker outside of Exeter Cathedral in the United Kingdom. Sculpted (carved?) in the early 1900s and unveiled in 1907, this statue depicts the “Judicious Hooker” (no jokes, please) seated with an opened book. It is almost as if there should be a plaque in front of this statue that reads: “Richard Hooker will read you
now.” Remember, Hooker is the same man who levied critiques of Puritans and Roman Catholics, all while positioning Anglicanism is the best of the catholic and reformed Christian tradition and advocating for coalition-building Christianity. Do you know how much awesomeness one must possess to fight a battle on two fronts?
To be honest, Richard Hooker perched on this chair with this open book and unbothered countenance is #theologiangoals. When I die, I would like a Hooker-esque statue carved in my likeness. Thank you in advance.
Hooker’s words are so relevant to our contemporary context that W. Bradford Littlejohn, Brian D. Marr, and Bradley G. Belschner have all adapted his Laws of Ecclesiastical Polity to modern English in Radicalism: When Reform Becomes Revolution. Brad Littlejohn actually has a great YouTube video where he reads an excerpt from the work that levies a great critique against extremism performed in God’s name. He writes, “Here lies the greatest danger of all. For when divine authority is used to justify things which are not the commandment of God, but your own mistaken suppositions, you’ll attribute to God whatever you are later led to do in defense of your cause. What this will lead to, God only knows.”
Those of you who belong to the older generation, might remember a television program called M*A*S*H, a comedy-drama that ran form 1972-1983. This television series was based on a book called MASH: A Novel About Three Army Doctors written by Richard Hooker. Richard Hooker is pretty amazing, but even he had to “go the way of all the earth.” (He died, y’all). The Richard Hooker who wrote MASH in 1968 is actually a penname for Dr. H. R. Hornberger, a former military surgeon and writer, who was born in Trenton, New Jersey. Somehow, the original Richard Hooker influenced the latter and he, the latter that is, wrote a book that influenced the creation of a wildly popular television program that basically defined the 70s. (That, and “Good Times” and “Wonder Years). So, basically, Richard Hooker defined the 70s. America, you’re welcome.
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164 comments on “Phocas the Gardner vs. Richard Hooker”
I just want to know how Phocas ("focus") didn't end up as the patron saint of ADHD sufferers. Come on; it's right there...
Hahaha! Yes!
Hooker did do wonders for our Anglicanism, but I'm still with Phocas as an example of sainthood: he fed and housed his executioners, as he dug his own grave in the garden that he loved.
Y'all make me laugh, comments and bloggers alike. Thanks--
Hard choice today, but in the end I voted for Phocas, the saint I discovered through Lent Madness. People who feed people who need food will get my vote every time.
I greatly appreciate the admonition of Hooker but we also need "radical hospitality". Perhaps if we practiced radical hospitality we would not have to worry so much about the "greatest danger" Hooker warns of (in effect, sanctioned tribalism). So I am going with Phocas the Gardner, not only for his hospitality but also because every time I read his name I think of Fergus the Ostler, and that just makes my day!
Any saint with a toy backhoe gets my vote. Besides, I’ve always wanted to be part of a Phocas group.
lol
Haha!
The "Pride and Prejudice" opening by Mr. Sibley is celebrity bloggery at its finest. Then he adds gnomes! But along comes Mr. Halley with a deft navigation around the obvious (with a name like Hooker, it has to be deft). Bravo to both for making it hard to stop laughing and vote already.
I agree, Peg S. This round is always fun, but this pairing kitch is inspiring!
I'm going with Richard Hooker for the critique against extremism performed in God's name. In the midst of the fun kitsch that brought me back to the madness.
I voted for Phocas. In a world where hunger is so prevalent, we need his guidance to cultivate gardens all over the world to feed the starving masses.
David did a wonderful job researching Phocas kitsch (who doesn't love Etsy?), Marcus gave us a 'mash-up' and Oliver had me momentarily scratching my head. . . All 'gardeners of the Word' UNITE! Focus on Phocas for the Golden Halo! Don't fall Hooker line and sinker for someone sitting down on the job (based on the sculpture presented in the photo-supported kitsch category offered up for our perusal!)
i votes for phocas bc hes better!
Woot! Yes! Did he ever criticize? Not in the written or oral record! He just lived an exemplary life!
Richard Hooker... what he said about doing whatever you want and saying it's God's will when it really isn't.
We need that today
I really like the statue: the pose, the expression, the jaunty curve of the Canterbury cap combine to portray a man I wish I could have known and am happy to vote for.
(A search of Etsy (a new playground for me) yielded lots of M*A*S*H material but only one Hooker-related item, Izaak Walton's Lives of John Donne, Henry Wotton, Richard Hooker, George Herbert, and Robert Sanderson, Oxford World's Classics 1966 Vintage Book, available from ProfessorBooknoodle for just €14.75 plus shipping from wherever. If I can find it in dollars when I get home, I will be tempted unless another Madness Maven has snapped it up in the meantime. I thought Izaak Walton just wrote about fishing . . . .)
While I appreciate the nod to Jane Austen (“It is a truth universally acknowledged...”) in Phocas’ write-up today, and he certainly lived an exemplary life of love and generosity, his ministry impacted only the people of his time and place. Richard Hooker, on the other hand, is foundational to Anglicanism, and, as such, has influenced people everywhere for centuries, even as he continues to influence us today. So, for his far reaching and profound impact, I vote for Richard Hooker.
(Besides, M*A*S*H is one of my all time favorite TV series.)
Although Richard Hooker shaped Anglicanism, Phocas’ ministry js universal. Now more than ever we need to be examples of radical welcome—to the stranger, to the refugee, even to the people who are employed by the empire to kill you, troubling as that is. Phocas gets my vote! (Also, I love how micro-manage-y he was in digging his own grave. My mother recently died of brain cancer at 64 and she left so many instructions and pre-paid for the funeral home. It made what is still a hard time much easier.)
Phocas! Be kind in your welcome and in your planning!
"Radical welcome." What a wonderful phrase. I'm going to remember that. Thank you.
. . .and in your welcome and your planning. Wonderful!
David Sibley, it was pure genius to open your kitsch account of Phocas with a quotation from "Pride and Prejudice." Genius as well were the gnomes. It all might have worked, too, had I not been utterly committed to THE Hooker of History. I was a little dismayed to see a meme in Hooker's kitsch; I see way too many of them on Twitter. "She" (is he a drag meme?) is still wagging a finger and will never stop wagging a finger even when this page is archived. That puts Richard Hooker uncomfortably close to being a perpetually preserved Jeremy Bentham. While David Sibley gets maximum points for the cuteness of his Phocas kitsch, making Phocas very tempting, I can't not vote for Richard Hooker, the great theologian of anglicanism. I hope he steers a mid way between the Scylla of Martin and the Charybdis of Eg Jebb to the golden halo.
She is a GIF, and I thought she was a hoot! I just avoid Twitter altogether, and am fast on my way to pulling the plug on Facebook (although that horse long ago left the barn, to mix my metaphors into a soupy mess!).
If you pull the plug on your horse, you will never be able to purée that soup so that you can share it with the barn owl (or is it a Strix VirGIFa?).
Whooooo knows for sure?
You have your own golden halo. Been meaning to compliment you on your new avi. That dude looks very holy to be sure.
Excellent!
Like. Laughing.
Let’s Go Richard Hooker! Please vote for him!
Loved MASH and The Wonder Years but can’t resist those garden gnomes. Phocas the Gardener rocks!
I recently started writing icons, and Phocas is on my list as my newest favorite saint to paint, and his kitsch was outstanding. However, the quote from Hooker, as well as taking me back to M*A*S*H (and yes, I am old enough and lucky enough to have shared the show with my mom and dad both originally AND in reruns). After Dad retired, we would have a M*A*S*H break every afternoon before supper. Ah, joy. And now, when I watch on MeTV, I think of Dad. Needless to say, Hooker gets my vote today.
My dear sister passed away last week, and one of her favorite things was garden gnomes. So, I had to vote for Phocas the Gardener. Love you forever, Pat.
So sorry for your loss, Lorraine.
Very sorry for your loss. May Pat be met in heaven by a squat, smiling, far too kitschy and cute flying gnome.
Let me add my sincere condolences, Lorraine. I recently suffered the loss of dear friend and former priest. May they greet each other in Heaven.
Dear Bloggers,
You have outdone yourselves in Saintly humor today! Thank you for giving me belly laughs on a gloomy day..heavy snow last night..stuck indoors for a time.
You are indeed Fools for Christ! Thank You!
I love gardening, but today it’s about seeking God’s will rather than justifying mistaken (and selfish) suppositions. Yay for Hooker!!
As I noted before during Phocas' contest with Katharina von Bora, I'm voting for the real flesh-and-blood saint, in this case Richard Hooker. As appealing as Phocas is, his story may be a fusion of as many as three different men named Phocas, and I don’t know which of those I’d be voting for. That, and Hooker's regard for Christian unity is something I admire and try to imitate in my own life.
you'd be voting for the one single fused image
Makes sense. And I guess that's why I can't bring myself to vote for Phocas, because he's an image rather than an individual.
Richard has received much acclaim after having gone the way of all the earth, while Phocas, who laid down his life rather than deny his Lord, is lesser known and lesser rewarded by those of us who came after. Vote Phocas.
Phocas has the best kitsch and hookers are really getting a bum deal.....Oh! Not those hookers...'scuse please !
As a Methodist, I voted for Hooker because he helped shape Anglicanism and the Wesley brothers were Anglican. As a deacon, I should have voted for Phocas.
These are just getting increasingly more difficult.
After all I had to read of Hooker, I had to vote for him even though I love the concept of Phocas. These decisions are tough.
"Queen Elizabeth fell in love with me; we were married in Milwaukee secretly; but I got tired and shook her, and ran off with Richard Hooker ---" oh dang it! It was General Hooker, not Richard Hooker! Still, a fine earworm if you're snowed in for the 4th time in a month. (Woody Guthrie's The Great Historical Bum -- the Chad Mitchell Trio version is exuberant!)
Anyone who so inspired Hornberger that he assumed his interesting name is an inspirational person indeed! I cast my vote for Hornberger’s friend, Richard Hooker.
https://youtu.be/7QZTNbyA4zk
Sorry -- that's the link for The Bragging Song above. Wasn't even sure I could post a link here.
How many of you can say that Dr. Hornberger (of Hooker fame) operated on there toddler son? He (the son) is alive and will turn 50 in May. I, however, voted for Phocas - such a kind man
their - oops!