Congratulations! You've stuck with Lent Madness as a Lenten devotion and the field has been whittled down from 32 saints to eight. After a long and winding road, we have made it to the Round of the Elate Eight. There is now light at the end of the Golden Halo and by the end of the week we’ll be down to the Faithful Four.
We begin this round with an epic battle of Biblical proportions as Peter faces Esther. To make it this far, Peter defeated Paul and John the Evangelist while Esther got past Lazarus of Bethany and Michael the Archangel. The remaining matchups in this round are Phocas the Gardener vs. Richard Hooker, Martin de Porres vs. Maria Skobtsova, and Anna Alexander vs. Eglantyne Jebb. One of these eight will win the 2018 Golden Halo.
The Elate Eight is also known as the Saintly Kitsch round. After basic biographies, quotes and quirks, what else could there be? There are always some folks who take offense to this approach — we call them Kitsch Kranks. Tim and Scott discussed this in yesterday's edition of Monday Madness. This is not to belittle or demean our saintly heroes but to have some fun and gaze in wide wonder at the breadth of devotional practice. So kindly relax and enjoy the spirit of the Madness as we push ever onward to our goal.
Peter
In his afterlife, St. Peter is perhaps best known for his important work guarding the gates of heaven. It’s a tough job, and who better than a repentant sinner to welcome the rest of us, in our varying degrees of holiness? Here he is looking down upon St. Ita (left) and (right) singing a duet with popstar Amy Winehouse, who died of a drug overdose in 2011.
Jokes starring St. Peter often make fun of--or laud--certain professions. Here’s one knocking mine:
A minister dies and is waiting in line at the Pearly Gates. Ahead of him is a guy wearing a leather jacket, and jeans.
Saint Peter asks, "Who are you, so that I may know whether or not to admit you to the Kingdom of Heaven?"
The guy replies, "I’m Joe, taxi driver, New York City native."
St. Peter consults his list, smiles, and says to the taxi driver, "Take this silken robe and golden staff and enter the Kingdom of Heaven."
The taxi driver goes into Heaven, and it’s the minister’s turn.
He stands proudly and booms out, "I am Joseph Snow, pastor of Calvary Church.”
St Peter consults his list. "Take this cotton robe and wooden staff and enter the Kingdom of Heaven."
"Just a minute," says the minister. "That man was a taxi driver, and he gets a silken robe and golden staff? How can this be?!"
"Up here, we work by results," says Saint Peter. "While you preached, people slept; while he drove, people prayed."
As a minister myself, if I get in, I expect I’ll be wearing cotton in the kingdom.
If you’re worried whether Peter will open the gates for you, try this work around: A key with the Rock of the Church’s saintly image on it. The pendant is sure to function just like a retina scan and send those gates swinging wide! (How much security can there really be up there, anyway?)
You could also try some ‘Success’ scented essential oils, named after Peter because people pray to him to remove obstacles. But buyer beware: Peter’s version of success involves getting crucified upside down, then fast-tracked to heaven.
You might also start pleading your case early with this personalized St. Peter stationary. Conversely, if you’re a prankster, you might order the paper printed with Peter’s address and send threatening letters to people who--in your humble opinion--need to shape up in order to pass through the Pearly Gates.
Of course, the veneration of Peter goes well beyond our self-serving concerns about who will be allowed into God’s Kingdom. People admire him for his good works and
guidance of the early church. Genuine fans of Peter can purchase saintly statues on Amazon, but again beware of Etsy, where a search for St. Peter might turn up this votive candle featuring the dubiously sainted Evan Peters, star of the show American Horror Story and available for purchase online.
The most devout of Peter fans might choose to honor his inverted crucifixion by wearing an upside down cross or this feminine fitted tee that simply screams, “Yes, I have a trim waist and want to show of my Michelle 
Obama arms, but I love me some St. Peter!”
Personally, I’ll be buying myself and the Rev. David Sibley matching Sts. Peter and Paul shirts to commemorate this year’s bracket. David, did you want to show off your guns, or shall I buy you the man tee?
Esther
The hard part about being a super-secret, Sydney-Bristow-spy-saint is that the kitsch you have is so secret as to be hard to detect.
However, my Lenten compadres, this should not suggest to you that Queen Esther is without swag. By no means! Just that you need to know where and how to look.
For starters, cast thine eyes upon this figurine of Saint Esther. This is a prop from a play about a Hispanic family in 
New Mexico, that discovers they are descended from the conversos who fled Spain during the Inquisition. Seen one way, the image of Saint Esther. Flipped upside down, you can see the figures of the Israelites crossing the Red Sea through the parted waters at the hand of Moses—hidden in plain sight.
Esther, please recall, is all about the power of holding onto your God-given identity, even when everything in the world would have you abandon it. This is a powerful message, and speaks to us even today. Yea, and behold, even if humans were silent, the very vegetables would cry aloud this message, for Esther’s tale was retold by the redoubtable bards of Veggie Tales (please ignore the creepiness of their lack of arms or hands, and how they yet manage to manipulate objects.) If you have a spare 40 minutes in your life, it’s all on YouTube.
My personal favorite retelling of Esther’s story, however, is by BimBam, which will having you chanting “GO ESTHER! GO ESTHER!” If you want something more advanced, Joan Collins made a movie about Esther. Yes, THAT Joan Collins, darling. Come for the guys in hats playing bongos, stay for Haman on drugs!
Maybe that is not enough for you, however. Perhaps you need a tangible reminder to be your true, God-given self
at all times. In which case, might I direct your gaze upon this selection of tiaras? Indeed, the internet is such a wonderful place that it has given to us a Tiara Town, where one can purchase not only a tiara to remind yourself to always be the self God wants you to be, but matching tiaras for all your pets.
Finally, we all know it takes courage, persistence, and stamina to resist unjust regimes. It is not easy, and it is not a quick fix. So, in all seriousness, I think Esther would be all about the Southern Poverty Law Center right now. With hate crimes seeing a meteoric rise across the country, their work in identifying and stopping hate groups in the United States is more needed than ever. After white supremacists murdered a woman in Charlottesville over the summer, they have redoubled their efforts, releasing this list of ten ways you, like Esther, can fight hatred where you are.
All of us have a role to play—whether we choose to wear a tiara or just to watch that insane Joan Collins movie on repeat. God calls on each one of us to make this a more just and loving world, as Esther tried to.
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234 comments on “Peter vs. Esther”
One of my favorite books ever is Behold Your Queen by Gladys Malvern. After I finished it my mother told me this wonderful story came from the Bible. I've read it there but I still love Gladys' version.
It is hard to vote against Esther, especially with the backing of the Veggie Tales, but Peter will always be my man.
I can’t bring myself to vote for Peter-he just seems so goofy to me.
Y'all who are voting for Esther are being very cavalier about the saint who will be meeting you at the Pearly Gates. Hope he's in a good mood that day!
As I understand the set-up after death, it's not Pete who makes and or enforces the rules.
I wonder if celebrity blogger Amber Belldene deliberately sabotaged Peter in this battle (I wouldn’t blame her if she did)!
What a really strange and awful thing to say!
I’ve read more comments for this bracket than any other, and I’m
impressed by everyone’s thoughts. While it hasn’t made me regret
my original vote (“Queen Esther!!!), I have a deeper
understanding and respect for both of Esther & Peter.
Btw, Lent Madness has opened my heart & mind to St. Dymphna. I’d never
heard of her prior to LM, but I’ve become a huge fan.
That is the beauty of Lent Madness: in the midst of wit and silliness,
we learn about inspirational people and our spiritual lives are greatly
enriched as a result. I love Lent Madness!
Oh, for the still undecided: Vote for Esther!
Hey, you guys missed an important piece of Esther kitsch: the 1970s musical "Beauty and the Feast," which I first saw performed by a youth group when I was about five years old. Someone made me a cassette copy of the soundtrack, and I listened to it on repeat for several years.
Included in it is the gem of a lyric, "Oh, she was liberated/ Had a mind of her own/ She knew she'd never make it/ If she did it alone." And also ... "The moral that emerges/ When the tale is finally told/ Is 'Liberate your mind but dedicate your soul.'"
Check it out here: https://www.discogs.com/Grace-Hawthorne-Charles-F-Brown-The-Musical-Story-Of-Esther-Beauty-And-The-Feast/release/1436695
Love this. Yep liberate the mind and dedicate the soul. Doing it now!
I love Esther, but how can I vote against St. Peter??
Have to repeat this thought: Are we in such an ‘angry’ time… that fighting and retribution are really the criteria we’re advocating? Gives me pause as we come up on Holy Week…. when Jesus told Peter specifically to put down his sword when he was going to go after their opponents in the garden….
The Esther route is a short term solution... I'm pretty sure that it's not where the gospel goes.
I've studied and written about Bible women for ten years. But I voted for Peter. In the Book of Esther, God is not even mentioned (except for the Greek Apocrypha version). That's a big selling point for me Peter: that God is a part of the story, above board, and Peter certainly got that. Also -- I don't remember Esther being crucified head down. Certainly that counts for something. The man was fallible, impulsive, gregarious, but couragerous, faithful, and lionhearted. Peter!
I've studied and written about Bible women for ten years--but I voted for Peter. In the Book of Esther, God is not even mentioned. Peter is a wonderful disciple: fallible, impulsive, gregarious, and lionhearted. And, he was crucified head down. Surely all that must count for something.
The link to how to stand up to hatred was what threw my vote to Esther. I identify with Peter, always putting his foot in his mouth, but Esther effected changes while her life was in danger.
Now it is Wednesday, but you can still get results of all previous 2018 Lent Madness match ups by visiting LentMadness.org/Bracket/. You can also find previous posts at LentMadness.org/.
If you want italics you have to include the proper HTML code.
italic text goes hereOkay it didn't display the code though I used the code to tell it to do so. Sigh. So you put a < then em then a > and then something you want in italic then you put a < then a / then em then a >. Now if that displays right, what you need to turn text italic will be in bold.
And Peter didn’t?
The Esther "kitsch" should have included one of my favorite childhood books, "Behold Your Queen" by Gladys Malvern. Thinking of it today, and the fact that it was important to my childhood understanding of faith, and also family loyalty.
Peter is the greater saint, without a doubt - so why does he need Lent Madness to remind us of his importance? Putting a "big dog" like Peter in the game ruins the fun.
Wow, this is a close one. I voted for Esther in all previous rounds, but this is actually the first time I'm voting for Peter. Just can't *not* vote for a leader among the Apostles and writer of two books of the Bible.
I feel compelled to point out that the picture of the statue in Peter's write-up is that of St. Expeditus, not St. Peter.
The ten ways, like Ester that we can fight hatred had me. Bless you Megan. I would like you to now put on your tiara.
Peter had a mother-in-law, a home, and I guess there was a Mrs Simon as well. One cannot underestimate the price he and his family paid in his decision to follow Jesus. Esther not only had courage but also considerable position, which she used wisely to save lives. When she encountered injustice she refused to be passive, a great lesson for all of us. Both are admirable. Both risked their neck. The difference is that Peter paid a heavier price.
Peter paid a heavier price and had a massive impact. Esther is cool. Love that she was the spa queen.
Esther. For her courage. Liked the figurine and the story of the play, also the BimBam video, and the SPLC. Go Esther!
Peter paid a heavier price and had a massive impact. Esther is cool. Love that she was the spa queen.
Kudos to both bloggers today! What a great beginning to the kitsch round. I could hardly decide!!!
I voted for Esther anyway, but linking her to SPLC -- once a fine organization, but rapidly becoming a hate-group itself -- almost changed my mind. (Good people may disagree with me, but most would recognize that it is divisive, and I don't see a need for that here.)
Dang it! I love Esther. She's one of my top favorites. But as a faithful member of St Peter's church, I gotta stick with the team :/
I wanted to vote for Esther but couldn't vote against Peter. I hemmed, hawed, and fell asleep before casting a ballot. Laodicea'd the heck out of that one alright.