Everyone knows that purple is made by combining red and blue. So as far as we're concerned, whether you're in a red state or a blue state, you've got to be filled with Purple Fever. Like everyone else, we've been watching the Republican party's convention this week, and we've learned a few lessons. Don't worry, we'll be watching the Democrats too, and we'll be sharing what we learn from them.
If nothing else, The Donald has mad showman skillz that even two publicity hounds like the Supreme Executive Committee can respect. So we watched and learned. Here's how we think we can make Lent great again.
TOP TEN WAYS TO MAKE LENT GREAT AGAIN
1. Fasting?! Forget it. Real Christians feast. All. The. Time.
2. Confession. Let's face it. It's no fun to confess privately. If you're going to describe your sins, get a reality show and do it on the air.
3. Gambling. Forget that Wednesday evening book group. You can do better. You might not be able to set up a Trump Lent Casino at your church, but you can at least do bingo instead of books.
4. Sermons. Tell your priest to stop working so hard on carefully nuanced essays. Sermons need to be filled with an endless succession of bumper-sticker sayings that may or may not tie together. An example. "Jesus went into the wilderness. It was the greatest wilderness. It had angels. They gave him bread. It was Wonder Bread, because that is the most American kind of bread. Jesus was the greatest. Make Lent great again."
5. Sermons II. Actually, now that we think about it. Why work on sermons at all? Tell your priest to figure out what the Obama's minister has been preaching and just copy that.
6. Repentance. Don't do it. If you repent, you're admitting you made a mistake. Mistakes are for the weak.
7. Ash Wednesday? Boring. Bling Wednesday is much better.
8. Austerity. Never. Make your church look like Versailles. The more gold, the better.
9. Prayer. Refer to anyone who disagrees with you as "the enemy."
10. Music. Fie on "40 Days and 40 Nights." Too depressing. Go upbeat! We suggest "We are the Champions (of Lent)."
Look for us to emerge from behind a cloud of incense in a mere 223 days!
P.S. If you think we shouldn't be joking about politics, here's the deal. We poke fun at ourselves and the church, because we want people to take themselves less seriously and to take Jesus more seriously. Likewise, we're having some fun at the Republicans' expense, and soon enough the Democrats', as a way of inviting engagement and thought with the political process. Plus sometimes you either have to laugh or cry. Remember Lent Madness is optional.
61 comments on “Make Lent Great Again”
So funny! Thank you, I needed some levity - and the reminder that Jesus is what we should take the most seriously in our life.
Oy vey. I thought I belonged to a church that forgives....father Tim. What's up?? Your humor, I know. Thank you.
Many, Many yuge thanks. Loyal Clevelander that I am, I left town this week to mourn for the formerly Grand Old Party.
LeBron....where were you when we needed you to dunk The Donald at the Q?!
It's much more hilarious if one is a Democrat. I hope you can be as satirical about Hillary and company, but I do wonder if you will be. There used to be a joke that the Episcopal Church was the Republican party on its knees. I guess now it is the Democrat party on its knees.
We are fortunate to be able to poke fun at ourselves and our institutions, ecclesiastical or political. There are places in this world where doing so would land one in prison. And we need to keep laughing at ourselves and with ourselves. We have the ballot box in which to voice our approval or disapproval.
Thanks for making me laugh today.
Wonderful! Inspired?! Keep it up!
I'm paying for miracle in November. An Immaculate Election?
I keep being reminded of why I'm so glad I found you. Am calling the friend who led me to you to thank her again. I am looking forward to next week.
(Yes, the hat needs to be purple. More importantly, the hat needs to be made in the USA under fair labor conditions. Just sayin'.)
You mean the hat ISN'T in the Lentorium??
Thank you for the yuge laugh today!
Laughter is indeed the best medicine! Thank you for bringing light into the darkness of the last few days.
Sign me up for a purple hat.
Thanks for bringing the light of laughter into the darkness of the last few days.
Sign me up for a purple hat
Christ's voice cries in empty halls
Christians pledge to build great walls
Walls so high they keep them out
Walls so dense they keep us in
To make great noise about our greatness
To keep us from seeing the greatest sin
That it was all about us.
Beautifully said, Jeff.
Thanks! I needed a laugh especially after the truth coming out about the DNS emails against Sen. Sanders. At least we have a true ruler and guide in Our Lord! Just don't know yet what I will do in November.
Thank you as always for your wicked amazing humor, & for having the courage to engage with a political choice with such divergent consequences for students, teachers, people of color, refugees, rape survivors, disabled people, LGBTQIA people, elders, & working people