You may have heard by now that the dean of the Washington National Cathedral will soon be retiring. If not, you can read about it in this article from Tuesday's Washington Post.
The Very Rev. Gary Hall has had an illustrious ministerial career that has literally taken him all over the world. We’re pretty sure, however, that the true highlight of his ministry at WNC was being tapped by the Supreme Executive Committee to officially open Lent Madness 2014. Watch the video to take a trip down Lenten lane.
Yes, he also wrote a back cover blurb for the founder of Lent Madness’ 2015 book Father Tim’s Church Survival Guide but this presumably ranks a distant second in Dean Hall’s vocational highlight reel.
As the Washington National Cathedral will soon be experiencing a power vacuum (a.k.a. searching for a new dean), the SEC is considering a hostile takeover. Well, not hostile exactly. It’s really more of a holy takeover.
Here are the top 10 things the SEC will do to make the National Cathedral even more awesome than it already is.
1. Bathe the cathedral's stunning exterior in purple light. Every night. Year-round.
2. Commission hand-carved gargoyles featuring all of our past and current Celebrity Bloggers.
3. Change the cathedral’s motto to “A House of Brackets for All People.”
4. Rededicate the chapels in the crypt as shrines to past Golden Halo winners.
5. Turn that awesome gift shop into a living Lentorium.
6. Let the Lent Madness voting public decide which presidents get to have their funerals at the cathedral.
7. Moonrock? Nah. We’ll replace it with a Lent Madness mug.
8. All future meetings of the SEC will take place under the watchful eye of the Darth Vader statue. With light sabers.
9. The famous Rose Window will be tweaked a little before being renamed the Purple Window.
10. The carillon will play Lenten hymns 24 hours a day, much to the joy of the surrounding neighborhoods.
We bid Gary godspeed as he prepares to head back to California at the end of the year. Don't worry. The cathedral will be in good hands. Well, hands.
To be clear, friends, we think the cathedral will actually be in great hands. There is a solid chapter, a great stuff, and a terrific bishop (who will serve as interim dean) to keep the cathedral on solid footing while they search for the next leader. The cathedral is a blessing to Washington, to its diocese, and to the nation. We at Lent Madness headquarters are grateful for the cathedral and its ministry. We hope you'll pray for the cathedral now and in its time of discernment. Gary has a long list of accomplishments from his time there, and he's got the place ready for the next era.
41 comments on “SEC Planning Takeover of National Cathedral”
Excellent tomfoolery....just bear in mind that 50 percent of readers, even Episcopalians, don't recognize satire. You may have created a lot of fear among those frail grandmothers clutching their prayer books.
I think the moon rock needs to stay. It shouldn't be painted purple, though. Instead, let's give it a Golden Halo and bathe it in purple light. I think that'll bring it into the Lent Madness fold wonderfully!
Yes, I would LOVE to be able to buy Lentorium memorabilia in the Cathedral gift shop!! I also like the "purple is the new black" idea; however, the moon rock must stay.